In All Your Getting, Get Understanding
Ourselves, Charlotte Mason Volume 4 ( Part II The House Of Mind); Chapter VII The Lords Of The Exchequer, The Desires (Part 1.)
Our minds are fed in response to the mind’s desires. Our desire for approval could cause us to go the extra mile, not necessarily because we want to, but because we fear the consequences of falling short in someone else's eyes. Humans are wired to be part of a tribe and that instinct causes us to seek our tribe’s approval. A healthy tribe would encourage us to reach beyond our limits even if we need to push through pain to do it.
We tend to adopt habits that are praised and approved of by our culture because we have a strong desire to fit in and belong to the tribe.
-James Clear
On the other hand, the desire for acceptance could also lead us to our worst traits. We might tend solely to the superficial to fit in, become the class clown for a few laughs, or seek the approval of those who lack virtue. We become the worst kind of people-pleasers, doing everything for validation and attention.
As a former people-pleaser myself, I’ve followed the wisdom of Aristotle’s Doctrine of the Mean — swung to the opposite extreme, and eventually settled into the middle.
Who are you when no one is looking? What will you do if there’s no one to cheer you on?
What remains in those quiet moments is your self-respect.
Another desire that fuels the mind is the desire for excellence. As we hit the little goals, we begin to wonder what it will be like to hit the big ones and then the goals grow bigger and bigger with every success. One minute, a child is learning to walk; another moment, that same person has clinched the 100m Olympic medal.
The desire for excellence can very easily morph into the desire for prizes. Learning for learning’s sake disappears, and in its place is the urge to learn merely to score the highest marks in an exam. The accolades that come with being the best graduating student become far more important than the learning that was meant to happen along the way.
This person doesn’t think, ‘How can I be better?’; they think, ‘How can I make sure no one else is better than me?’
We should always consider the object of our excellence, to ensure that it is virtuous.
Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.
-Proverbs 4:7
Best Regards,
Olufunmike